Today I shall vent to you my predicament: I believe that I am fallinng out of love with one person and in love with another. It can't possibly be love either way, but it's strong feelings I hold. I've known my boyfriend for 3 years now and we've been through everything. Only problem is that it's been a long distance relationship that I feel is going to end because of differences between us. I've been wanting to break up with him for awhile now. I don't want to tell him anymore that I love him when I don't feel that way anymore. I don't want to lie to him and lie to myself anymore.

This new guy I've only actually have seen (and kinda hung out with) three times. Once was when I first met him at my school's Winter Concert, the second at a Movie Night I held, and the third was with him and a friend of his. That third night influenced my feelings toward him, especially when we got back to my house. When the three of us were watching a movie,..he held me close to him, like no other guy has done before. I can still picture everything in my mind, every minute detail: he sat me between his lags, my back was to his chest, his cheek was always close to mine where there was not a minute that I couldn't feel it, his left arm was wrapped around my and taking my hand in his, the right arm around my chest where his hand rested on my shoulder, he patted my shoulder and cheek with his thumb, and every so often he'd poke me or try and do something to make me jump. It was the closest I've ever been to a guy. No guy has ever held me like this, not even my current boyfriend. Each time I looked up at him, he'd look back, and I swear it, I felt like he was ready to kiss me, whether it be on the lips, cheek or forehead.

I know that that was major flirting, but now I feel like my heart is ripped in two. Should I stay with the person I'm with, or should I leave for someone who I've only known for a little while? Should I stay with someone I was happy with in the beginning just to break up with him later, or try to go for someone that makes me happy in the here and now? There are pros and cons to both sides:

Pros with the current:
We've known each other for 3 years, he has a job, he's going to graduate college soon, he knows me better than most people, we have similar tastes, he's been with me through some of the hardest times in my life, he's known my personality before my appearance.

Cons with the current:
He doesn't know what he wants to do with his life, he sometimes favors my appearance over my personality, he will talk about things relentlessly that grasp my attention for a second then loses it for the duration of the one-sided conversation, he lives far away, we see eath other very rarely, and even though I'm with him I feel like I'm single.

Pros with the new:
We make good conversation with each other, he knows what he wants in life and is ready to pursue it, he makes me laugh, he's interesting, we want to get to know each other a bit better, he can start a conversation about almost anything, he's a great flirt, we're both Gemini's so we both understand each other's shifting personalities, loves music and wants to learn to read and play it.

Cons with the new:
He smokes, he dropped out of high school (has a GED though, so not too bad), he's 6 years older than me (so we're both illegal for each other technically), he doesn't have a great job (dishwasher at a restaraunt), we both struggle with our family, there's a risk that he may not like me the way I like him.

Those are just about the highlights of it all. My friend Noelle says that I should break up with my current boyfriend and get to know this new guy better. She feels that he has hurt me many times and that it is not worth it being with him any longer. I plan on breaking up with him. Not because someone new has walked into my life, but because I wanted to walk out on him so many times. I want to date other people, preferably those that I can SEE regularly. I want to be able to explore being with other people instead of being with just one person. I feel like a horrible person for this, but part of me sees it as something that is just part of life and that I just have to deal with.

We'll see how things go.